Meet Dr. Deerheart, Death Doula
There are only two guarantees in life: that you will live and that you will die -- and the rest is a mystery. Why then, in western culture, are we so afraid of dying? Just the thought spreads worry into most minds.
For over 30 years, Dr. Andrea Deerheart, founder of Laguna Beach nonprofit The HeartWay, has been talking to people about death. Her mission is to serve people nearing their end of life transitions, as well as their loved ones and caregivers. The HeartWay provides counseling, advocacy, education, workshops, and programs to help with the changes and challenges that come along with death and dying. Their motto: Embracing Life. Honoring Death.
Through The HeartWay, Dr. Deerheart has hosted a monthly “Death Cafe” at the Susi Q Center in Laguna Beach for the last several years, dedicated to returning the intimacy, reverence, and sacredness of death and dying to a culture that often avoids, denies, or bypasses what makes us uncomfortable.
“Death inspires life, it’s not about the mortality or morbidness of it,” explains the death doula. “Until we can face our own mortality, we live in the underworld of this experience. When we were born we signed a contract that we were going to die, but we live like we aren’t going to die. There’s something amiss in that.”
Dr. Deerheart knew she needed to bring about change when she noticed that the “D word” was somewhat taboo to talk about, especially with those nearing the end of their lives. She didn’t set out to start a grief or counseling group, but rather to create a safe place with a relaxed and open atmosphere to share issues surrounding life and death. Deerheart’s Death Cafes are never the same, and have become a discussion where everyone is welcome from grandkids to grandparents, moms, dads, sons, and daughters.
“People leave inspired, relieved, and more content,” says Dr. Deerheart. “It’s when we unburden ourselves — when we let that secret out and don’t hold onto it — that the Death Cafe becomes so miraculous.”
Following the popularity of Laguna’s Death Cafe, Dr. Deerheart has opened another in Nevada City, California, currently in its second year.
For Dr. Deerheart, nothing in this life has more honor, sweetness, and privilege than holding someone’s hand literally, spiritually, and physically when they are feeling vulnerable.
“The misnomer is that death is not a part of life, but if you’re embracing life you’re absolutely honoring death, and if you’re honoring death you’re absolutely embracing life.” explains Dr. Deerheart. “If I could change anything in the world I would wish that all beings (including those with four legs) felt loved. We can get through anything if we feel loved.”
Death Cafe is held the last Monday of every month at the Susi Q Center, 380 Third Street, Laguna Beach from 3:30-5:00pm. Being a nonprofit, The HeartWay is always accepting donations to support their mission. Please visit their website to learn more here.
Mari Verdugo is a fourth generation Laguna Beach native, photographer, and writer who knows firsthand the amazing love and work Dr. Deerheart provided for her grandma who gracefully transitioned last year. Find Mari at @marielenaphoto or on her website.
Unconditional Rescue is a Laguna Beach-based rescue who is dedicated to getting senior and special needs dogs adopted, reframing them from “sad and unfortunate” to “happy and forever.”